embracing the uncomfortable: a journey of healing and growth

God has been doing some big things in my life lately. A lot has happened since that first blog post at the beginning of this year. (Funny story, my plan was to write a new post every two weeks… oops!)

I am now an aunt, a homeowner, and as of most recently, a dog mom. In May, I finished my first year of full-time teaching. In February, I posted an original song for the first time. Covid finally got me this year… twice (smh). Currently, I’m trying to wrap my brain around the fact that I turn 25 this month. (?!?!?!)

In addition to these visible life events, there have been some major shifts in my mind and heart this year. Learning and unlearning. Growing. Changing. Healing. With Thanksgiving less than a week away, I have so much to be thankful for. Thank you, Lord.

30 medium days

In mid-July, I met my friend at the cutest lil coffee shop in town (full circle moment because that’s where I’m sitting as I write this). We were catching up and mentally preparing ourselves for the upcoming school year. #teacherlife

This friend is someone who consistently points me back to Jesus, and I do the same for her. We speak truth and life into each other. This little coffee date was no different. Somehow we landed on the topic of goals and lifestyle changes we wanted to make.

Maybe you’ve heard of the 75 Hard Challenge. It is 75 days of intensity, meant to strengthen the body and the mind. At the time, it was all over social media. One of our best friends from college was in the middle of it. So, we looked it up.

Y’all, it is crazy. I don’t know how people do it. The idea is that if you fail to accomplish any one of the tasks, you start over at day 1. You keep going until you complete every single task, 75 days in a row.

That sounded like way too much to us, so we decided to create our own challenge: 30 Medium Days. We had rules for water intake, exercise, and time spent in the Word and prayer. Like the 75 Hard, if we missed a day, we would have to start over.

the power of action

During the challenge, there were quite a few days when I felt a total lack of motivation. My flesh craved idleness. I had no desire to do my workout, or have my quiet time, or even drink my water. But I did it anyway. That healed something in me. I found freedom in denying my flesh.

“So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh.” (Gal. 5:16-17)

Around the time we wrapped up our challenge, we met for coffee again. I felt like a different person, unrecognizable from the girl I was 30 days ago. I felt healthy. I felt alive. And she could see it.

With God’s help, I did it. 30 days in a row, no restarts. Never in my life had I intentionally exercised every day for a month straight. It was probably also the first time I’d been that consistent for that long in my spiritual life. The challenge had pushed me out of my comfort zone in so many ways.

comfort zone = danger zone

For most of my life, my comfort zone has been a fortress of sorts. Anything that could be perceived as potentially dangerous (conflict, vulnerability, any new task or unknown territory) is locked out. The result ends up being more of a Rapunzel situation, with me locked in, unable to experience the abundant life God has for me.

I am not alone in my fear of the unknown. Moses thought himself too insignificant and unskilled to be used by God (Exodus chapters 3 and 4). Jonah literally ran away from God’s call on his life. When I stay trapped by my comfort zone, I’m doing the same thing.

I am still working on dismantling that comfort-zone-fortress. If I don’t use my voice, God can’t speak through me. If I don’t do hard things, God can’t work through me.

I chose to take up space when I started sharing my music on Instagram. I chose to step into the unknown when I made that first phone call to my realtor. I chose to be uncomfortable daily during the 30 Medium Days.

God has been teaching me the importance of discipline this year. Taking action when I just don’t feel like it, because I know it’s good for me. I have failed over and over again, but thank goodness for his mercies that are new every morning (Lam. 3:22-23).

the necessity of grace

Without the rigid structure and constant accountability of our 30 Medium Days, I haven’t been nearly as disciplined. But I also haven’t regressed to the state of inaction I was stuck in before the challenge. I’m no longer totally resistant to the idea of exercise (most of the time). And I now know for a fact that I AM capable of doing hard (or medium) things.

I do have to be careful, though, not to fall into the trap of trying to achieve righteousness by my own strength or good deeds. Galatians 5 has a lot to say on this.

Verse 4: “You who are trying to be justified by the law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace.” I need grace upon grace upon grace. I am going to fall short of perfection. I’m not going to succeed immediately every time I set a new goal for myself. When I fall, Lord, let me fall on you.

Verse 5-6: “For through the Spirit we eagerly await by faith the righteousness for which we hope… The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.” Let’s break that down.

We hope for righteousness. Because we have the Spirit, we can wait for that righteousness, arms open, trusting (by faith) that God will work in and through us if we only have the willingness to let Him. It is not our own accomplishments that mark us “holy,” but our communion with the Holy One. Faith, expressing itself through love.

Ephesians 2:8-10 puts it beautifully. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

bridging the gap

Repentance is the necessary link between our own shortcomings and God’s grace. Throughout the Old Testament, we see this repeatedly. The Israelites turn away from God, God gets mad, they repent, God forgives. Again and again and again.

Conviction is uncomfortable. Embrace it. Repent. Try again.

2 Chronicles 7:14 says, “if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves & pray & seek my face & turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven & will forgive their sin & will heal their land.”

I like to think of the first part of this verse as a step-by-step guide on how to repent.

Step 1: Humble yourself. Recognize that you’ve messed up. 1 John 1:8 says, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” The key here is not to wallow in it. Don’t let humility spiral into shame.

Step 2: Pray. Invite God into the mess you’ve made, lay it at his feet, ask for his help moving forward. “This, then, is how you should pray: ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.” (Mt. 6:9-13)

Step 3: Seek God’s face. Pursue a relationship with your Creator. “Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.” (Heb. 12:1-2) “My heart says of you, ‘Seek his face!’ Your face, Lord, I will seek.” (Ps. 27:8)

Step 4: Turn from your wicked ways. Don’t offer up an empty apology with no intention of turning away from your sin. 1 John 3:5-6 says, “But you know that he appeared so that he might take away our sins. And in him is no sin. No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.” Because we live in him, we have the power to change for the better. “Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.” (Micah 7:8)

a beautiful promise

So, repentance is our end of the deal. Let’s not forget the good news that follows: “then I will hear from heaven & will forgive their sin & will heal their land.“

He will hear from heaven. We’ve all heard Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you… ” In verse 12-13, the Lord declares this over us: “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

He will forgive our sin. 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Hallelujah!

He will heal our land. Sin is a sickness of spirit. Through forgiveness, God heals us. “And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven.” (James 5:15)

finish strong

2022 is coming to an end. My 25th year of life is coming to an end. The fall semester is coming to an end. As I prepare for the new beginnings that follow, I want to finish well.

Hebrews 12:1-13 is a powerful depiction of the value of facing discomfort for the sake of righteousness, until the very end. *cough* go read it *cough*

Jesus’s words in John 16:33 give us the hope we need as we face all kinds of hardship. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” In response, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Gal. 6:9)

If you are feeling weary, you can find rest in the Father (Mt. 11:28). But you may also need this reminder from Hebrews 12:4: “In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.” But Jesus did. “Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” (Heb. 12:3)

With God’s strength, we can step out of our comfort zones. Because of God’s faithfulness, we can find freedom from sin. With God’s help, we can heal from past hurts. Because of God’s grace, we can grow.